When lines cross

MadDad is the trainer/coach/manager of the local Under 7’s football team.  He wasn’t going to do this, but there were too many children interested for just one team and so that Mini didn’t lose out he volunteered to help.   This turned in to a weeks intensive FA coaching training, a full CRB check  and training one a week and two games on a Sunday and all the paperwork and other stuff that comes with it.

Now Mini has a temper, I have blogged about it before, but he has been working on his emotions for the last seven months or so with amazing results.  It is not often he has a flare, but at  the teams first friendly he lost it and by this I mean he had the most spectacular melt down.  He was kicking, screaming and throwing his football boots.  All because he couldn’t have his number 4 shirt back (he had been in goal) as another child was wearing it.

Any other time, I MadDad or I would have picked him up and carried him stright back to the car, but a) I couldnt lift him after breaking my shoulder earlier in the summer and b) MadDad was the only CRB checked aldult with the team and therefore couldnt leave.

You would hope that the other parents were sympathetic of our plight, but unfortunately this wasn’t the case and one particular parent made his opinion known quite delightfully.  As you can imagine, both MadDad and I were mortified  not only by Mini’s behavior, but also by the lack of understanding of this parent and also the manner in which he displayed it for all to hear (including Mini).

MadDad sent a text after the match apologising for Mini’s behaviour and asking that anyone who had issues to contact him.  But two parents decided to bypass him and take this issue to the chairman of the team.  We made sure that Mini was punished for his behaviour, one by being grounded and then by missing Saturday club.  We also made the decision that he wouldn’t play in the games on Sunday unless someone needed to be substituted (it is 7 aside) and MadDad only has 8 boys registered at this time.

Sunday came and Mini apologised to all the parents for his behavior but this wasn’t enough for this parent who has stated that he is pulling his son from the team.  This has been such a terrible experience for all of us.  We have come very close to pulling both boys from their teams and moving them to another club.  MadDad’s enthusiasm for the game has been shattered and we have all felt emotionally bruised by this judgement in to our parenting.

It was the first week back at school and Mini was tired.  He is six years old, he had a tantrum. I am not trying to make excuses for Mini, but these things happen and nobody should be making judgement on our life without walking a mile in our shoes.  The fact that this parent is so offended by his behaviour now makes me wonder just who has the issue here.  I do hope that his son still plays as all the children seem to have a fab time and love playing.

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27 Responses

You don’t have the problem, this man does.

Yes, Mini had a tantrum but it hasn’t happened before and really, whose child has not had a tantrum of some sort.

My children have had tantrums in the past – maybe not in public but that’s more luck than anything else. If I see another child having a tantrum anywhere, the only thing I feel for the parent is sympathy as I’ve been there and understand that sometimes, there is nothing on earth that will stop a child in mid flow of a tantrum.

You should not feel at fault, you’ve dealt with things appropriately – has this man? It’s his child who is now missing football, presumably something that he enjoyed all because he has been upset by something – woh’s the bad parent here? Not you x x

Some people are so incredibly narrow minded. I suppose this parent who has an issue has “perfect kids” and they never, ever do anything wrong, like ever?! What a complete idiot.

All children have tantrums, some worse than others. It sounds to me like you’re in the wrong football club because if none of those parents came forward to help, it’s quite obvious they don’t actually care.

You’re good people and I can understand why Mad Dad felt the need to text everyone an apology – but he does know that it wasn’t necessary, right? If that’s how these people are making you feel, then I would definitely give them a wide berth.

You are dealing with Mini’s meltdown the best way for you and your family and if other people have a problem with that, then it is THEIR problem, not yours. So very, very ignorant.

As you know, Amy has autism and we’ve learned the hard way, too. Imagine how ignorant these children are going to be when they grow up. Most younger children are accepting of all children, but they learn from their parents. How very sad.

CJ x

I don’t care less what others think about my parenting, you know that. So i would’nt take a spare second of my time to be concerned what some jumped up father/parent thinks should and shouldnt have happened or how they felt in regard to it.

Temper tantrums happen, its part of growning up and learning you cannot have your own way. I said on your fb timeline what id have done. Bad arm, no bad arm, i’d have dragged my child to the car and taken them home. Te rest i’d have done similar, they wouldnt be playing football again till they realised thats not how any child should act in public.

I would allow him back to football when he has realised what he has done (and after a week or so or not going he would come to the conclusion he was wrong ;) ) wasnt acceptable. He will then know ‘i do that again there is a course of actions i dont like’ and more than likely that being a negative thing it wont happen.

I would also speak directly with the parent in an open place so others can hear, explaining (as father and coach) that I am more than happy for the parent to give up their time and help me coach the team after they have taken the course and been CRB checked, and if they did that then should my child play up i could take them back to the car myself. Instead of not being able to because of my commitments to the team.

In other words id shame the parent in front of everyone else for going over me and complaining to the club. They soon would realise the stupidity of their ways ;)

Kerry | 09.12.12

You do not have a problem, this other parent does.

For goodness sake Mini is 6 years old, gosh my nephew is 7 but when he is tired and the world doesn’t go his way don’t we and the rest of the world know about it! I am so upset for you that some small minded person is making you feel this way. I also feel sorry that children are being brought up with this person as their parent.

xx

The man’s a moron and I can only concur with what everyone else has said. There is no such thing as a perfect parent (apart from me, of course,) or a perfect kid – please don’t spend any more time thinking about this idiot. You’ve done the right thing.

There’s always one stupid parent who, like the proverbial rottweiler, won’t just let it go. I hope he has more understanding of his own children if they ever have a meltdown. I’m sure this will all blow over in the end, just hang in there. xxx

Do not question your parenting or Mini’s behavior. He is a child, they have tantrums and get tired. They all do it. He was punished and he apologised. There is nothing more you.he could have done and I don’t think there is anything more than should have been done.

This parent sounds like he is happy to take take take and let others train so that his child can attend a club but yet wants to be the first to thrown his own tantrum over nothing.

Rise above him Jen
x

Julie | 09.12.12

What a horrible situation for all four of you. But none of you have done anything wrong – the other person is at fault. And I think, if it is at all possible you should stay put with the club – you shouldn’t have to move for someone else’s fault. And, hopefully, everyone else (tho’ possibly not this man) will have forgotten about it very quickly and all the children can get on with playing football. I’m not sure it helps to move away – but it obviously depends how bad things are. love to you all, Juliex

Expat Mum | 09.12.12

Let him take his child out; why is he doing this? Does he honestly think that your child will somehow endanger his? If it’s because he doesn’t want his child mixing with “the likes of yours” then he’s doing his child a huge disservice. This is his issue and you need not take any further action. Your apologies were enough.
At the risk of turning “me, me, me” – one of mine did this for quite a lot longer and it was a nightmare never quite knowing what the reaction would be to certain triggers. Fortunately they grow out of it, but in the mean time, it helps to try to catch the signs before it goes pear-shaped. It might look like you’re molly-coddling him if you intervene from time to time (to prevent a meltdown) but remember, there will always be critics of what you do so just do it anyway. I used to make sure my kid wasn’t over-tired or hungry as these two were always a guarantee of trouble.
Hope things improve at the club.

I am saddened that the parents couldn’t be more supportive, especially when MadDad volunteered for the good of the club and its kids.
Judge another parent, and it can so easily come back to bite you, when your own child’s behaviour is not as you’d hope.
Sending hugs x

back again to read all the replies – hope you feel a little better now.

FamilyFourFun | 09.12.12

How horrible that you have to go through this when your husband gives up his own time to coach. I think you’ve done all you can and this man is being unreasonable.
It is not exactly rare for a 6yr old to have a bit of a moment. Lots of others have made much more helpful comments. I just wanted to say to try not to let it get you down too much..
I think you’ve done the right things x

Jen Walshaw | 09.12.12

FamilyFourFun » It was training tonight and Mini was too ill today (chest infection). The parent didn’t bring his son tonight, but has asked to move him in to the other under 7’s team at the club. I think that this is best for everyone involved.

Jen Walshaw | 09.12.12

Cass@frugalfamily » I still think I would like them just to be players and D not to coach, but hey ho!

Jen Walshaw | 09.12.12

Donna@MummyCentral » I think that it is a reflection on his ;lack of parenting skills rather than ours

Jen Walshaw | 09.12.12

Expat Mum » We have been a lot better at dealing with Mini’s tantrums and this was a complete one off, but I guess the whole back to school thing got to him. Plus the fact that his Daddy is dealing with other children is hard to get used too. The father has pulled his child and moved to the other under 7 team in the club. TBH it is best for all involved.

Jen Walshaw | 09.12.12

Julie » The chap has pulled his child. At least I will not worry every time there is a match now.

Jen Walshaw | 09.12.12

snafflesmummmy » He has pulled his son and moved him to the other Under 7’s team in the club. We have decided to draw a line under it.

Jen Walshaw | 09.12.12

Midlife Singlemum » He has moved his son, which is fine by us. Mini is six and I will not have him labeled because some oaf can not deal with his own feelings enough to understand that this is what children sometimes do.

Jen Walshaw | 09.12.12

Kate, WitWitWoo » I think it is all the harder to deal with as I look at Mini and see myself at his age and know the fight he has coming!

Jen Walshaw | 09.12.12

Kerry » A very wise person once told me that we all cry the same amount of tears over a child life, just at different times. This father obviously hasn’t experienced the issues we have, but what goes around comes around.

Jen Walshaw | 09.12.12

Crystal Jigsaw » He has pulled his child CJ. I think that some children are so scared that they are perfect when it comes to certain situations, but Mini’s emotions run close to the surface. Good and bad ones. It is what makes him him.

Jen Walshaw | 09.12.12

Cass@frugalfamily » I love you, thats all

Cara | 09.12.12

Bloody hell Jen, what a nightmare! We have all been there when our child has been ‘the one’, we’ve all judged someone else when their child has been ‘the one’. What a self-righteous person he must be though to be SO unforgiving. Oh to have confidence that he will never have an incident where his child needs people to show a little understanding. You have done all you can at the time and after the event, you should just chalk it up to experience and move on.

Who wrote ‘a child needs your love most when he deserves it the least’? A mantra I have to remind myself of often. Big hugs to you lady, you know you do an awesome job with your children! x

Susan Mann | 09.12.12

Children are children and they have meltdowns at times. If there is something they want and can’t get it, they do this. No one should judge you or your child, they are children and can have the odd tantrum. I can’t believe someone would act this way. Look at how much he enjoys being on that team, you can’t judge him over 1 incident. You are an amazing mum, your husband is an amazing dad and you have two wonderful boys who are a credit to you both. Hugs xxx

Claire Toplis | 09.12.12

its such a shame that parents are like this . Who the hell are they to judge.!
I think Mini has done so well . . I wish him luck and hope that this has not out him off.

Gillian | 09.12.12

What a nightmare for you – you have my full sympathy. I don’t know how you could’ve handled it any better to be honest, it sounds like you did everything great. Don’t let it knock your parenting confidence, I suspect you are doing a fantastic job. x

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