What does christmas mean to me?

Santa snacks

Christmas, it is a bit of a bittersweet time for me.  It is filled with the joy and excitement of two innocent boys, but also the memory of my mum’s unexpected and sudden death two years ago.  Christmas Day will forever be associated with seeing my Mum dead in her kitchen on Christmas morning, but I can not let the past shape the future.

So my Memories are split in two.  There is the memory of Christmas past, of tissue thin sheets of wrapping paper, eye shut tight of christmas eve listening for the sleigh bells, pillowcases instead of stockings, coming down on Christmas Eve to find my Dad standing at the door with a longed for Petite Typewriter.  It is Christmas days long ago of a Sindy House rapped in a candy coloured stripped sheet. It is delicious family filled Christmas dinners after Dad and Granddad returned from a swift one at the Pub.  Boxing days spent with cousins, parkin and corned beef pie. Board games and cocktails.  Sisters living and loving each other.

Of carefree and joyfilled Christmas spent with family.  Once the boys graced us with our presence we experienced the excitement though their eyes and Christmas became about crafting, cooking, making and creating memories.  We made advent a time of activities. We cemented memories with our traditions.  We went to my Mum’s to help wrap her presents.  She helped me to cook Christmas dinner.

And then she was no more………………

So now I try to make Christmas a time of making, creating, cooking and crafting.  I think of my Mum and the time we spend doing the same as I was growing up and in my actions I honor her memory.  I allow the pain and grief to be there, but do not make it mark my days and nights.  More than ever Christmas is about making memories, so that when my children grow they look back at this time with both wonder and joy and they come to realise that Christmas is all about family.

I was tagged by Becky At Family Budgeting  and Baby Budgeting

 

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6 Responses

Karen | 12.24.12

My Mum died on Boxing Day, 18 years ago. I still remember the empty feeling, and know what you mean by bittersweet. She made Christmas special for our family, and it took a long time to get to a place where we could celebrate, without pain. It does get “easier”, (although I hate that word) but it still hurts. Hugs to you, for tomorrow.

What a lovely way to remember your mum and honour her memory. Sounds to me like you’re helping to create some beautiful memories for your boys and celebrating all the important aspects of Christmas – love, togetherness and family. Merry Christmas Jen, I hope you all have a wonderful day. xxx

Claire toplis | 12.24.12

Hugs my nan died at Christmas so hugs xxx

Jill | 12.24.12

Can’t help thinking of my Granny too this time of year even more so than normally (which is an awful lot anyway), Gran ‘did’ Christmas it will never be the same nor can it ever be the same without Her.

Oh Jen. I still remember when that happened and I saw the sad news on twitter, at that time I had no idea what you could have been through and still cannot imagine, but am currently going through the worst days of my life as my dad is at the hospital daying andi cannot be there for him… from being very positive I am becoming very negative and knowing that he will not be there soon is killing me. I had to do the same this Xmas to celebrate it for my two girls. Unfortunately we weren’t able to fly ove rfor Xmas as my nephew had mumps, which was just the last thing we needed. The only thing that keeps me going are my children and my hubby. It is very painful especially at Xmas as I always used to spend them with my family… and am dreading next year as my dad will not probably be here ;(

northernmum | 12.24.12

I sent you a hug on christmas day lovely lady x

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