One of the big things for me this last year has been making the right choices for me and my family. For actively choosing to be happy and spread happiness and live as much as possible in the here and now. I read a lot of blogs, they have replaced my magazine habit and are a lot cheaper and every now and then I come across a blog or a post that really touches me. Lil Blue Boo is one of those blogs. I have followed Ashley for over three years. I comment occasionally and have also been though a molar pregnancy and the subsequent issues that she is going through, but although this touched me, it is the phrase “Choose Joy” that really has reached out in to my soul and tattooed itself on to by brain.
When you have been though illness, challenges and life changing events like I have, it can be hard not to keep looking for the next big thing. The next issue that is going to come and kick your feet from under you and leave you firmly planted in the mire on your arse. I can tell you from experience this is no way to live. The anxiety that comes with daring not to enjoy the good times for the fear of what is round the corner, the concern that it is only pay off for the next debilitating event. Sometimes it seems that we are given with one hand and then taken from with the other.
There have been times when I have screamed at the top of my lungs to an empty beach “why me? What have we done to you? Why do I have to pout up with all this shit?”. There have been times when I have had to lock myself in the loo to hide the tears from my boys, haven’t they seen enough suffering in their short lives?
Then I read a blog like Ashley’s and it reminds me that life is all about choices, not just the ones we actively chose to make, but the ones we chose to ignore too. It is my choice to make the most out of each and every day, to believe the universe will provide and that we live everyday, not survive it, but enjoy it. That I am going to chose joy. That I am going to embrace my family and journey with them ever forward and yes I might be scared, but I will always travel my path with dignity, my husband and boys by my side and a heart filled with optimism and love.
I am going to try and live in the here and now and watch my children with their joyous abandon and let its infectiousness rub off on me. I am going to make time for my husband and our marriage and I am going to enjoy reclaiming some me time and finding some inner peace amongst the white noise of everyday life. I am going to do one thing everyday and do it well.
I am choosing joy.