I recently used the above as a title about needing to have time away from the children and taking time out for me and I received a tweet from Kirsty Younger saying she misinterpreted by title and though I was really redefining the concept of me time.
For the next couple of days this tweet kind of sat in my mind making my brain twitch somewhat. It was like an itch that needed scratching. Should I be redefining the concept me time?
One of the things that irks me about “me time” for woman is people often talk about using this time to get pampered or to pamper himself and I was so guilty of this in my last post. However, I am one of those woman who find a trip to the hairdressers a stressful experience and would rather sit in silence that chat about the weather or the next holiday the stylist is going on. Put me in a spa situation and I feel like a four year old child on her first day of school. I am never sure of the right etiquette and again who wants to have small talk whilst someone is checking out your nose for blackheads and judging you on your lack of skincare regime. A spa is the seventh circle of hell for me, not something I would want to do with any precious alone time I might have.
The more I thought about me time, the harder it was to define in the first place never mind redefine. Have my standards dropped since becoming a mum. Do I not wash my hair or paint my nails often enough. Do I need to carve out more time in my day to do this, or would my
spare time time be better spent learning something new like I am with my sewing class? I know that I am getting so much out of getting out of the house and meeting new people and learning new skills. It is fast becoming my favorite day of the week. Plus I am able to put my new found skills to work making quilts and things for people I love.
But here is lies the crux of the issue. In order to redefine or even define me time you need to get past the part of your brain that feels guilty that as a mother or partner you are putting yourself first before your children or other people in your life. That you could possibly not be satisfied by all the other things in your life and need to look for some other outlet. But I am learning that guilt is the strongest emotion I possess and if I let it, it will always come to the front of my mine and I am no longer going to let my life be ruled by guilt. Whether it be my own guilt in the form of self deprecation and self worth or even self bullying or the guilt of other people that feel that by me needing some time away from my family that I am doing a disservice to mothers everywhere rule my life anymore.
It is so hard to rewire that mindset, but Dreams have helped me reinforce it by offering me an hour to myself and I decided to take my wonderful sister in law out for a champagne tea and it was wonderful.