depression | Mum In The Madhouse

depression

Imperfect Parenting in an Imperfect World

12 Comments / parenting / By

I used to think I was a crap mum. I used to feel that my family would be better off without me. I do not say these things for people to counter with “no you aren’t” or “no you weren’t”. The fact is that I really did feel this way and I truly thought that MadDad and the boys would be better off without me. I suffered with Post Natal Depression, I bullied myself, catastrophised everything and was filled with terrible anxiety. I couldn’t separate rational and irrational thoughts. I received fantastic treatment including cognitive behavioral therapy over five years ago now and it changed the person that I was and helped make me the mum and person I am now .

I was reading Kate’s post earlier in the week about how scared parenting made her feel and it brought all those feelings back to me, but rather than let them take over me, I remembered that I am parenting in an imperfect world and my imperfect parenting skills are just preparing y boys for the road which they will travel. This is one of the biggest things that CBT gave me, it helped be put things into perspective and process them. I am not a perfect mum, but I am the best mum the boys could hope for, I am their mum and I love them with all my heart and every fibre of my being.

I have two quotes that help me navigate the waters of perfection, for as soon as I realised that I didn’t need to be the perfect mother, that it was OK to give shop bought food and not beat myself up about formula feeding and ensured that if I was happy so would the boys be, things started to come together for us all.

“There is no one way to be the perfect Mother, but there are millions of ways to be a good one!” – Jill Churchill

“Being Happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect, It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections” – Gerard Way

So on those days when I am screaming like a fishwife at my boys or wondering how to find the words to tell them about challenges that life may through at them, I hope that I can remember that it is OK to be an imperfect parent in an imperfect world and give myself a break, for this parenting lark is the hardest, unceasing, but most rewarding job I have ever done or will ever do.

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This is our happily ever after, Life lessons from the summer holiday

14 Comments / parenting / By

I used to be a control freak, a planner, an organiser and have always needed to be in charge. I am very good at planning and getting things done, hence the fact that I manage projects. However, over the years since I had my children and worked on my depression I have learnt that perfectionists are more likely to suffer with depression and that I have to let go.

Normally over the summer holidays I would make sure we had activities planned in for each day. I would make sure that we had a schedule and an itinerary to ensure that the boys were kept busy and I was kept in my comfort zone. However this year due to recovering from my operation and lots of other reasons I couldn’t make these plans, so we had to wing it and I had to learn to let go. It was such a hard learning curve, but has taught me some great life lessons.

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Is it OK to be broken?

38 Comments / bad days / By

ometimes I have to sit back and tell myself it is OK to be broken, that after all I have been through and am going through, that it is acceptable to have a rant and a pity party every now and then.

I have days, well mostly nights, when the world seems to weigh down so hard on my shoulders. When it seems pretty impossible to put one foot in front of the other, let alone work on identifying my negative thoughts and trying to change them. So sometimes, I cry, sometimes, I sit at the computer and pour out my soul for everyone to read. But in doing this I wonder if I am doing the right thing. If I should be making all my feelings public for people to see. For my boys to come and read in the years to come.

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