A lump in my throat 12

The shops are filling up with card for Mothers Day and each time I see or hear it mentioned it brings a lump to my throat.  For the first time in my entire life, I do not have a mother to celebrate on Mothers Day and that makes me unbelievably sad.  I want the world to stop and take notice of me.  I didn’t want to my my mother in law a card, although today I did and to give MadDad his due, he said thank you and then made me cry by saying he understood just how hard that was for me to do.

The thing is I don’t look any different, even though I feel like I am made of china with a large crack down through my heart.  People soon forget that I am still grieving the sudden loss of my mum.  I don’t want to make a big thing of it, I don’t want to remind people, but I do wish that there was a little more understanding and compassion in this world.  That people could be a little less wrapped up in their own lives that they could see that I too am still hurting.  That my family is missing its matriarch this mothers day.

Tomorrow is my 16 Wedding Anniversary and I just wanted to get rid of this feeling, to put it in to words and to hopefully feel a little brighter in the morning.

Please remember, you don’t have to wait until Mothers Day to let your mum know how much they mean to you, even if you don’t have the best of relationships, she partly made you what or who you are today.

I love you Mum.