As I sit here and type I have tears rolling down my face because all of a sudden I have realised that my mum was alone and on her own when she died last year and what fear and pain she must have felt.
I woke on Christmas Eve to the sound of the telephone ringing and when I answered it was mum. She wasn’t upset, just very matter of fact and said that her arthritis was playing up and she was finding it hard to get moving and get her medication and could I come and help her. So I set off in the snow to Mums, which was about a 10 mile drive, but a world away in snow terms. Maddad was at home with the boys and taking Mini to the GP’s as he had a pretty bad chest infection and needed seeing.
When I got to mums, she had managed to get downstairs and I made her a cup of tea and helped her with her medications. I got out her clothes and the tens machine and she was going to take a shower when the phone rang. It was MadDad to say that it had started to snow again and he was stranded at the GP’s with both the boys, as in 10 minutes over an inch of snow had come down and it wasnt showing signs of stopping.
So mum being mum told me to go home and get back to my boys, that she would be fine, as she was going to my Brothers for Christmas Day and would see hoe she felt that evening and might even pop to the Club for Christmas Eve. So I did as I was told (if you knew my mum, you knew it was best to not argue). I gave her a big kiss and cuddle and told her we would see her on Boxing Day for our family time together and then again on the 27 for our family get together with my brother and his family.
It took me over an hour to do a 15 minute drive and when I next spoke to my mum at 2pm, she told me the tens machine wasn’t working and that my Brother was popping in to Boots to pick her up a new one. She said she was feeling much better apart for some pain in her back.
I spoke to her at least two more times on Christmas Eve , once at 7pm when the boys rang her to say good night and then again at 9ish to say good night myself and wish her a good Christmas Eve. She told me she was going to make a cup of tea and go up to bed, as Chris was collecting her around 10ish on Christmas Day. So I said I would ring her in the morning, but if she didn’t answer we would wait for her to call us.
We rang my mum at 9am on Christmas morning and left a message on her answering machine all singing we wish you a Merry Christmas and thought nothing of it and then received the call to say that he had found mum dead at 10am.
It is only now nearly a year later I can actually comprehend that my mum died alone in her home on Christmas Eve, probably just after speaking to me on the phone, as she was found in the kitchen with teabag in cup and milk on the side. She was making that cup of tea to take up to bed with herself. I can not imagine what she went though, but at the moment I am in pieces.
I WANT MY MUM