And the beat goes on 11

I would love to think that my mothers life was so precious that time stood still or even blurred in to the slow motion that you get in films, where every second lasted more than a minute.  I would like to say that we are mourning her in the old fashioned way, but with two boys aged four and five and Christmas things have had to carry on with some semblance or normality.  Not that I haven’t grieved, I have and still am and will be for a long time yet.  I am sad in front of the boys and they both know it is OK to be sad too and that Mummy and Daddy are missing Grandma and we are happy to talk about her or explain things as best we can.


The boys had Christmas lunch with my MIL and FIL, but insisted on coming home for Christmas Dinner on the evening, so we had the works and set a place for mum.  We have also been saying a prayer for her each evening too.

We spent a quiet boxing day at home, playing playmobil Dragons and Knights and cuddling in front of the television.

We also went to the Social Clubs annual Christmas children’s party (although I spent most of it in the house with my brother), the boys had a whale of a time with their cousin (who we fear is channeling mum and is currently known as Mini Marge, due to her headstrongness and temper) and danced the night away.

We also made sure that we had a get together on Wednesday at my house (which was planned for mums), in fact I went and collected the steaks she had bought for the event and I had far too many Irish coffees with baileys, but it was so nice to spend time with my brother and his family.

But how are we?  I am not sure, we are coping as a unit, but it is hard.  For one I think I am still in shock.  I need to start organising things and get the funeral sorted.  The boys are missing Gran, but we are talking about it.  Maxi has started to have nightmares, so we are dealing with that.  I have ordered the books suggested from Amazon and am looking forward to them coming.

We have also received some chinese lanterns that we are going to launch after the funeral, to which both the boys want to come (although I am not keen on having them come to the cemetery).  We are meeting with the funeral director on Monday, but are aware that there is likely to be at least a two week wait for a funeral.

I am so glad I have the boys and my darling husband to keep me strong.  I do hope you all had a good Christmas and have a blessed New Year.

11 thoughts on “And the beat goes on

  • Kerry

    I just had to comment and say I am thinking about you. When Gran died in June none of the children came to the service but they all came to the wake and they were told they were going to Grans party for her life. It was lovely having them there they were full of fun and talking about Gran but about all the good and nutty things, they only really knew her with dementia. But it helped it stopped us all being so sad, they just remembered the good things. Which was a lovely simple way to process it all. They have my Grans ‘garden’ and my Nan who was ceremated shares Grandad roses in mums garden. It gives them a place if they want to be with them which I think is lovely.

    You know where I am if you need anything xxxxx

  • Betty

    Hello Jen – I think you are working through this difficult time in the only way you can, remembering the good times, grieving openly and keeping up the traditions that your mum would have been a part of. The sky lantern is a beautiful idea and will make it easier for your boys to understand the departing of somebodys spirit from their earthly confines. Betty

  • Nat

    You’re doing so well from the sounds of it, sounds like you’ve given the boys a lovely christmas 🙂 thinking of you

  • Karen Jones

    You have been in my thoughts all christmas, I feel so sad for you and your beautiful family. I can’t possibly know how hard it is for you all, having never been there. But it certainly looks like you are doing everything as I imagine I would, by being open and honest with your sadness. I am sure there is no right or wrong way to deal with such a terrible shock, just what works for you.
    At the moment there is a lot to deal with and organise so that is probably helping you to function, after the funeral I fear is the time you will really need all the support you can get, when it all “over” and people drift away, it will never be “over” for you and then my dear friend your lovely family is welcome to come down to Devon and stay at anytime. Don’t forget that, its a genuine offer.
    Much, much love
    Karen xxxx

  • ang

    Dearest Jen
    I am so sad for you – I have only just read the blog. Yes, there will be a delay for the funeral arrangements becaus eof all the bank hols etc – and the time till then will seem endless. You are all in my prayers.
    We are away from home and I dont have your address or email with me – but when we get back I will post you a letter for the boys.
    DO let them go to the thanksgiving – it is important for them to be there. Re the cemetery – that is your choice.
    One thing I have found really helpful talking to small children about death – remind them that when you clip your fingernails or have a haircut, the part that is cut off has no feeling – whatever you do to it, it does not hurt [I have even burnt clippings on a saucer] In the same way, the ‘real’ part of their gran lives on, and her body, which is left is like the hair/nails no longer needed – so if it is cremated/buried she will feel no pain as it is no longer part of her.
    Similarly, a butterfly leaves its cocoon behind when it flies.
    Try and get hold of “Charlotte The caterpillar” – a helpful children’s story about death.

    Oh Jen, I wish I could come and hug you – losing yourMum is SO hard. Bob and I will be praying for you all in coming days.

    Blessings, Ang xx

  • Jeni Wren

    I’ve only recently been reading your blog, but just wanted to say that I’m thinking of you all and think you’re being incredibly strong. Big hugs. xx

  • Shannon

    Just caught up with you and read your very sad news. I’m so sorry, I really am. It sounds like you’re handling things as beautifully and thoughtfully as they could be. My thoughts are with your lovely family.

  • Rachael

    Lovely chick. I love the idea of Mini Marge. Rory is our little Glenn – he’s stroppy, articulate, headstrong, funny, loving – he is his grandad. Sending you, A and the boys much love as ever. xxxx

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