bad days


Is it OK to be broken? 38

ometimes I have to sit back and tell myself it is OK to be broken, that after all I have been through and am going through, that it is acceptable to have a rant and a pity party every now and then.

I have days, well mostly nights, when the world seems to weigh down so hard on my shoulders. When it seems pretty impossible to put one foot in front of the other, let alone work on identifying my negative thoughts and trying to change them. So sometimes, I cry, sometimes, I sit at the computer and pour out my soul for everyone to read. But in doing this I wonder if I am doing the right thing. If I should be making all my feelings public for people to see. For my boys to come and read in the years to come.


RIP Margaret Elizabeth – my mum 77

Mum with Maxi (16 March 2005) Margaret Elizabeth 26 September 1943 to 24/25 December 2010 Tragically my brother found my mum dead on Christmas morning.  It appears she died not long after talking to me on Christmas Eve at 9.45pm.  She was making a cup of tea in the kitchen to take to bed with her. Dearest Mum I wish I could gather my thoughts together enough to provide the words I need to say how much I am missing you already. My heart is breaking at the thought of never speaking to you again, but I am so glad our last words were I love you and our last conversation more »


It’s snow joke 23

I haven’t been online a lot this week. Here in our little corner of the North East coast we have felt the full force of the weather that has hit Britain this week. We have had masses of snow and the boys school has been shut all week. So I have taken the opportunity to spend some quality time with mini and maxi and we have crafted, baked, read, made up stories, put up the Christmas decorations and enjoyed each others company.   MadDad has been working from home and has also spent a lot of time clearing paths and making sure the house is as safe and secure as it more »


Sometimes Mothering is harder than hard

I have a neighbour, yes we all have them, but I have one who manages to make me feel terrible with just a single glance and a turn of phrase.  She is always beautifully turned out, drives a brand new sports car, runs her own successful business,  has a hot tub in the garden and one perfectly dressed nine year old boy who in her eyes can do no wrong. So this morning when I am screaming at the boys like a fishwife to get in the car or we will be late, hollering my lungs out to leave the drink at home and just get in the car, who would more »


Bringing out the Lioness in me

Just don’t go upsetting my cubs in front of me, as it will bring out the lioness in me.  She has surfaced this week and I am still upset and angry about how my boys, Mini in particular has been treated. Every Monday there is a youth group at the local church and although I don’t attend church, I want the boys to have experience of church and the fact that this is help in the church itself, rather than a hall really appealed to me, in such that it demystifies such a quiet place. So I registered the boys and they went for the first time a fortnight ago.  They more »


drowning

I am struggling at the moment, to find my get up and go, yes as per all the cliches it has got up and gone. I had blood tests last week and I am already anemic again, my lips are splitting at the sides and the junior doctor who discharged me after my last transfusion didn’t order the additional tests I needed, which means I still don’t have a date for further investigations. But my blood results showed that it is unlikely I have pernicious anemia as my B12 level was still up thanks too the injection I had received.  I feel like sitting and crying, I keep asking why me, more »


Hell in a handcart

I guess this morning is just the start of one of those day that you wish hadn’t started. I guess the night wasn’t that great either.The Youngest MiniMad didn’t settle at all and ended up sleeping in our bed, which meant that I had hardly any sleep. The eldest MiniMad had one of his very rare accidents (he has a chest infection and all the that coughing can not help). I spilt my cup of tea all over my bed. Came down to put the first load of washing in to find The Cooking Fat had had two accidents during the night too.Now the thing is Thursday are not the most more »