death


A Dusty Bin Money Box 5

Home, the house I grew up in.  The house that belonged to my paternal grandparents before it was my mum and dads.  Home, still today it is home and it will long be in the future.  No longer my home, but my brothers families home.  There is something very comforting in knowing that our family will remain in the house that has brought us so much joy, but also so many tears these last months. Today I walked back in to our home, left as it was in January, when my sister in law and I took down the Christmas decorations.  I walked past mums coat in the lobby and her more »


Helping children deal with the death of a loved one 35

Losing a loved one at any time is hard for a child to understand and  process, but losing a Grandma on Christmas Day to a very sudden death is particularly difficult.  My children are the most important people in my life and helping them deal with the death of a loved one is so important. Apart from Mr Smudge, our cat dying,  the boys only experience of Death has been the devastating loss of my Nieces little boy L, who died at six months old.  We have always been honest with the boys and they understood that my Dad (Grandpa B) was dead and being  a farmer’s grandsons they understand life more »


Sometimes words are not enough 6

I don’t know what to say and it is not often that I am stuck for words.  I want to say a big thank you for all my friends in the big wide world for all the support, love and kind messages over the last few weeks.  However, thank you just doesn’t seem enough. Some of you I have met in person, some of you I have never met in real life at all, but you have all played a very big part in keeping me sane recently. I want to say the biggest thank you to my sister in law, who I am still getting to know and the parts more »


Grandma 44

Today is the day that we all say our final goodbyes to Mum.  Her funeral is at 1pm and then she will be buried and we will be having a party to celebrate her life.  I will be saying a eulogy in the church, I did for Dad too.  I have decided to talk about mum as a Grandma.   To our Grandma Whist talking to the boys and Tori about Grandma, I decided to write down the things that made mum such a special Grandma to three wonderful children. She lets us play what we want with her. We get to bake and make traffic light jellies. She is really more »


How Dare You 54

You carry on as though nothing is wrong in your world, you drop the children to school and you all chat banally about what presents you got for Christmas and what you bought in the January Sales, don’t you know I am dying inside. The children run around the playground delighted to see each other again after the Christmas break and I want to curl up and hide, don’t you know I am hurting inside. The cars jostle for parking spaces on the high street and the delivery lorries double park, more fodder for the consumers.  Don’t they know the last thing I want is any more stuff, I am small more »


And the beat goes on 11

I would love to think that my mothers life was so precious that time stood still or even blurred in to the slow motion that you get in films, where every second lasted more than a minute.  I would like to say that we are mourning her in the old fashioned way, but with two boys aged four and five and Christmas things have had to carry on with some semblance or normality.  Not that I haven’t grieved, I have and still am and will be for a long time yet.  I am sad in front of the boys and they both know it is OK to be sad too and more »


RIP Margaret Elizabeth – my mum 77

Mum with Maxi (16 March 2005) Margaret Elizabeth 26 September 1943 to 24/25 December 2010 Tragically my brother found my mum dead on Christmas morning.  It appears she died not long after talking to me on Christmas Eve at 9.45pm.  She was making a cup of tea in the kitchen to take to bed with her. Dearest Mum I wish I could gather my thoughts together enough to provide the words I need to say how much I am missing you already. My heart is breaking at the thought of never speaking to you again, but I am so glad our last words were I love you and our last conversation more »


Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality

11 years, an eternity some days, but a split second on others. You are forever part of my life, I love and live by the rules you instilled in me, I learn each day how important you have been in moulding me. I am your echo, your legacy. As my children are mine, carrying with them a part of me and, therefore, a part of you. I hope they grow in to great men like you were. I refuse to live my life in anger at your early death, instead I remember the days we had. I remember feeling safe and cradled in your hands. I remember joy and freedom. You more »


11 Years ago Today

It was 6.30 am when the telephone rang, my first thought was who in earth could be calling at this time and punched MadDad to answer the phone (as it was on his side of the bed). He did and then time just stood still. He turned to me as white as a sheet and with the words “there has been an accident, your Dad is in hospital. We need to leave now” the day stood still. We lived in Berkshire at the time and my dad was in Middlesbrough General Hospital in the Intensive Care Unit over 320 miles away.  We got dressed, put the cats in their basket and more »


RIP Mr Smudge

Yesterday we made the decision that we have been dreading making, but both knew was coming, we had to have our beloved cat Mr Smudge (our rather large and old white cat) put to sleep. He was 15.  He was my first baby, one of two brothers that we got after I miscarried twins at 20 weeks 15 years ago. He had been with us through thick and thin and we couldn’t bear to see him deteriorate in this way and decided that the time had come to stop looking for what was wrong and let him die with dignity.  To save him from further pain, to learn to live with more »


What Makes a Mother?

  Do you ever just look at your children and feel a tugging in your chest. A physical sensation of how much they mean to you?Do you ever just want to hold them to tight, to squeeze the air out of them?Do you ever want to spend an hour kissing them or stroking their baby-soft skins?Do you ever tell them how perfect they are in every way possible and how much you love them?Do you ever wonder who speeded up time now your a parent. How can another year have passed so quicky?Do you let them know that you like them and enjoy being with them.Do you ever sit when the more »