One of the hardest things for me about aging is the fact that my sin espeically on the checks has developed a redness or rosacea. I have no issue with growing old gracefully and have embraced my silver hair. But I am not so keen on looking as though I am always blushing.
So we carried on with the holiday and I tried to manage the pain with over the counter painkillers and some delicious pink fizz.
The journey home on Saturday was interesting to say the least and Sunday morning saw me at A&E having finally admitted that I was struggling to cope with the pain.
So a CAT scan and a couple of x-rays later I have decided that it is time to start acting more my age than shoe size. I can tell you that broken ribs HURT like nothing else and mean sleep is pretty none existent in The Mad House currently. I also have a shadow on my lung, so am off for another x ray tomorrow to rule out scary stuff.
But even though lack of sleep and pain is meaning I am a grumpy bean at the moment. France was amazing and we had a super time.
Today I am I supporting the fab and inspirational Emma from Crazy with Twins who is beating thyroid cancer. I am proud to say that I have met Emma and she is a wonderful person, who is dealing with the challenges this battle brings her in as much of a positive way she can.
I took a look at Emmas Blog yesterday and it had the BEST news ever, her body has shed the radiation so fast she can now cuddle her children again and they can continue being a regular family (well as regular as you can be with twins and an illness).
However, I am aware that the results of the treatment will not be know for the next six months, but I also know that going through something like this can change your outlook on life and give things much more clarity.
My experience has taught me to find joy in the everyday. To make the most of the small things that help me get through each day and then to find three things at the end of each day that I am grateful for.
Spring The Small Stuff
The smell of freshly cut grass. The sound of all the local lawn mowers on a Sunday afternoon. Listening to the shouts and giggles of children playing outside. W watching the seeds we planted start to sprout. Earthing up the potatoes. Using up the last of the kale by making homemade kale chips. Lighter evenings. Waking to the sound of the birds singing. The boys running in after school and then running straight out again to play with their friends.
Wild Garlic and Bluebells. The leaves on the trees all being green. Blossom on the trees. Cherry blossom on the floor like confetti. The whole family washing the cars together. Theme parks in the sun. Sand in my toes and sun on my back. Spring tides and large waves. The promise of more to come.
Washing blowing on the line. less ironing. lighter weight coats. Putting away all the winter hats, scarfs and gloves and getting out the sun hats. Rubbing sun cream on to the soft, soft skin on my children. Sewing later and longer thanks to natural light! Watching Dr Who together as a family. The anticipation of camping trips. Day trips to the seaside. Icecreams. The sound of the ice cream van. The smell of BBQ’s. Spring Birthdays. MOthers Day. Fathers Day.
Finally learning how to crochet (fourth time’s a charm). Buying fabric for new quilts. Finishing existing quilts. Plotting, planning and designing new quilts. Going to my sewing lessons. Plucking up the courage to go to the WI! Watching my children take turns at cooking. Eating child baked cakes.
Waking up next to the ones I love. Hands to hold. Comfortable silences. Laughing at bad films and enjoying good films. Family movie nights. Board Games. Bruised little legs in short trousers, especially school shorts! Early nights in fresh bedding. Good books. Washi tape. White Walls. Yellow. Daffodils. Tulips. Good tea from china cups. Good friends. Great family.
Reading books out loud to my children. learning something new. Challenges. Even more yellow. Craft swaps. Writing letters. Receiving letters. The sun. Scented candles. Pims in the garden with my family. Instagram. Pinterest. Blog comments. Being able to wear standard sunglasses. The fact that I impress my children that I am not scared on roller coasters. My boys telling jokes that are funny and make sence (it has been a long time coming).
In the past I have struggled with depression and I still have numerous health issues, but I do not want these to define me. I worked hard to overcome my depression and it is not something that I often dwell on. Most of the time I am a pretty positive person.
Recently I made an error and I fear that I have lost one of the people that I used to call a good friend. This fills me with deep sadness and I do not know how to make things better, in fact I do not think there is anything I can do to make it better. Hopefully time will heal things , either that or I will just have to let go and mourn the loss of a good friend from my own stupidity.
I am at my happiest when I am with my family. When I am surrounded with MadDad and the boys on a weekend. I love having them around and I love doing things together with them. I am putting myself out a little bit more and have been enjoying my weekly sewing class, even if I am the youngest by two generations!
I am currently trying to pluck up the courage to go to the local WI group tonight, but worry that I will be the only one under 50! I have left four messages for them, but they have not got back to me, so wondering if I should just go.
Sometimes I just wonder if it is me that feels this way or if I am just feeling a little down in the dumps?
Not wishing that my glasses had windscreen wipers in the rain
Being able to see my eyes more clearly and therefore, the bags underneath them.
The joy of trying to find sunglasses in the winter and those sunglasses not having to be special prescription ones.
Knowing that I will not have to wear bifocals or varifocals
My glasses not steaming up when I open the oven door
Not having to remove my glasses at the hairdressers, which means I can see my hair being cut
Being able to straighten my hair without having to remove my specs and being able to see myself in the mirror and therefore, not burning my ear all the time.
Being able to go on roller coasters without worrying I will lose my glasses.
Not falling asleep in specs and waking up with them bent as I have been laid on them.
No more costs associated with new glasses each year and the horror of finding frames that suit me.
Did I say that swimming is fun again……
So would I do it again? Yes I would. I am still having a few issues with dry eyes and night time halos round lights when driving, but that is getting better and better each week.
A couple of weeks ago I made my way to our nearest (well over an hour away, as yes I live in the middle of nowhere) store to have my initial consultation with the Optical Express Team. Before I tell you more about my consultant, let me tell you I am short sighted and have worn either glasses or contact lenses since I was 20 years old. I had considered Laser surgery in the past and often do every time I take the boys swimming.
I was given an appointment at Optical Express and advised that my consultant would take anything from an hour to two hours and that I would have to have drops put in my eyes, which meant that I would be unable to drive for the rest of the day and might find it harder to focus too. MadDad came with me, but rather than come in to the consultation he took the boys away to keep them occupied.
Initially I had a chat with one of the team and we talked through what happened during surgery and I watched a short (7 minute) video about Optical Express and the surgery types they offered. I then had a couple of tests including the “pressure test” were a puff of air is blown into each pupil and also a focus test just like I get when I go to the opticians.
I was then transferred to another room to have an optical technician go through an eye test with me. If you have had a test at an optician then it is very similar and very though. It was during this point that I had the drops put in my eyes. Now Mini had already told me that this was a little like having vinegar put in your eyes and will sting and boy he was right. I also had a yellow dye popped in my eyes. This was the most uncomfortable part, but the sting was very short and it didn’t last at all. I then discussed if I was eligible for surgery what type I would need and asked if I had any questions.
To be honest I had lots of questions and the technician answered them all as fully as he could.
And that was my consultation over. I was not pressured in to making a decision there and them and told them that I would go home and make my decision.
Once I was at home, I decided to ring my friend and optician and ask her advice. After talking to her, I had more questions, but the team at Optical Express were excellent and rang me back with the answers and put my mind at rest.
So I am going to have Lasik Wavefront surgery to correct my vision and yes I am a little anxious, but more than that I am very excited.
The hollow sound you get when you tap a perfectly baked loaf of bread. Eating that bread in thick slices with butter and homemade jam. Plotting what vegetables to plant in the garden. The sweet anticipation of the garden harvest. The sea on a wild day. Walking barefoot on damp grass. Hanging out laundry to dry.
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