I am lonely 68



I miss my mum.  The thing is over the last four years she has slowly become more than just my mother, she had become my friend and we spent a lot of our time together.

One of the reasons we returned back to our native North East of England when I was pregnant with Mini was to be able to spend time with our families.  When we lived in Berkshire my mum would visit for weeks on end and we really got on each others nerves.  We were not supposed to live in each others pockets.

So we reasoned that being closer would mean days out or afternoons shopping and we would all be able to get on better and you know what it was good.  Not always great, but it worked for us.

As the years went by we developed our own routine.  Every Monday I went round and helped clean up, Thursday meant shopping and coffees in town and I often spent Saturday with Mum and the boys spent Saturday evenings with her.  In between I ferried her to the hospital, GP’s and anywhere else she wanted to be.  We both grew in to the mother and daughter role.

She told me I was the best mother she had ever seen and that she knew how much I lived for my boys and I had learned to let her take out the boys picture and show the ladies on the tills her grandchildren without always wanted the ground to swallow me up.

We became firm friends.  She was a huge part of my life and now she is gone.  She filled my days when I wasn’t busy working from home.  She collected the boys from school when I needed an extra hour somewhere.  She was more than a mother to me.

Now I am alone.  I am lonely.  My friend I made back home has gone to work full time and I am struggling to fill the hours between dropping the boys off at school and collecting them.  I think my sister in law can see this, she popped round with flowers for me.

I find it hard to make friends and when we returned it was to a village and it seems that everyone here went to school with each other  and already had their own cliques and groups and I haven’t managed to fit in to any of them.  I come across as standoffish, but the fact is I am shy.  I wonder what people think of the way I look.  I don’t want people taking about my health behind my back, so I don’t talk about my issues in real life.

I did make a close friend when I fist came back, I was honest with her about how ill I was, but it turned out she just wanted things, she wanted the use of my buggy and the material things and when I got ill she didn’t visit or send a card and I couldn’t bear to stay friends with someone like that.  It affected me, it made me question my judgement.  I didn’t think she was that person.  I was wrong and I guess that it has made me much more wary of opening up to anyone in real life.

So as hard as it is to admit, I don’t have any real female friends here.  MadDad is my best friend and I suppose a lot of the time we are pretty wrapped up in each other, making sure our marriage works and that we have fun as a family, that we forget that having other friends is important.

I think I have fogotten how to make friends.

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68 thoughts on “I am lonely

  • The Moiderer

    I really feel for you. Whilst I am not in the same situation as you mother-wise, I totally understand the friends thing. My hubby is my best friend and I don’t make friends easily. I think the thing is, that no one makes friends. I think friendships grow out of shared events. Church, craft clubs, work etc.
    If we are not doing things like that, then we don’t have the opportunity to grow those friendships. It’s a really tough situation to be in and I can understand how lonely you must feel

    • admin

      @The Moiderer: I think that I am going to need to get out and do something, perhaps a craft group. I will see if we have any spare cash at the end of next month and try. I love that MadDad is my best friend, but it can be hard sometimes

  • Lucy

    I am so, so sorry to hear about your Mum. I wish I could say something that would help – all I can say is take it one day at a time. I lost my mum just before I found out I was pregnant with my son- she never knew I was going to finally have a baby. And I, for various reasons, did not have a support network of friends around me, apart from my best friend from school, who although she is amazing, doesn’t have any kids. I made one ‘new mum’ friend at antenatal classes but she moved away and then I went to university so I didn’t get a chance to make other ‘mum’ friends locally. I am a single parent and live with my dad. Mum died 5 years ago this year and I miss her still everyday, some days I still get upset but they are fewer and further between. I really understand what it feels like to lose your mum, and to not have close female friends nearby. It is very hard. I found Twitter an unlikely source of support, and writing about it a great help. And life really does move on and change and new, unexpected horizons open up. I think it is brilliant that you have written about it here. Hugs and lots of love xxx

    • admin

      @Lucy: I am so sorry about you losing your mum just before you found out your joyous news. Twitter is great and I find getting it all out of the blog helps too. Thank you for commenting, I am off over to your blog next

  • Nickie@Typecast

    Jen, I don’t know where to start, love. I remember this period so well when my own mum died. You need to carry on and stick to a routine for the sake of the children but there’s so much whirling around in your head. I also didn’t have any close friends nearby which didn’t help.

    I wouldn’t recommend this but we made major changes in our lives – we moved to a different town, we swapped roles (I became the breadwinner, he became the main care provider) and the shift in responsibilities helped us all.

    Sometimes you need to make small changes, sometimes you need to make big ones. It’s like defining the before and the after. You’re not the same person you were a few weeks ago so you have to adapt to that.

    Much love x

    • admin

      @Nickie@Typecast: We have thought about making changes, but I do not want to be the major breadwinner, although once the housing market picks up *if it ever does) we may consider moving closer to MD’s work. I am going to start with little changes

  • Alethea MomonaWire

    I am so sorry that you are lonely Jen. To me you come across as someone who loves life and takes chances, and if the women you interact with on a daily basis on the school run etc cannot see that it is their loss.
    My husband is also my best friend, and since moving here I have not made any real friends of my own in real life, I think that’s why I depend on Twitter so much!
    I hope you manage to find a group of like-minded people soon who, even if they don’t become best friends, are there is you feel like a quick coffee and a chat!

    And if you’re ever in London . . .

    • admin

      @Alethea MomonaWire: I think it is really hard to make female friends. I do wish I lived nearer then I could come for some of that yummy pie!

  • Marylin

    *hugs*. Lots of them. And lots of love.
    The thought of losing my mum. I just don’t know how I would cope.
    You know where I am if you want a chatter hon. xx

  • Mrs Scruff

    Your memories of your time with your mother are so precious. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship and many happy memories. Making friends is really difficult and is actually exhausting. You are such a lovely person and people do see this, honestly! Don’t worry about you coming across as standoffish – thats just how YOU think you were, not how other people think. When i moved into the area I spent a year alone but recently plucked up the courage to go to a couple of events – cake decorating evening, something i am not particularly interested in, and I spent the evening on my own making the odd silly remark trying to get in on others conversation. I felt an idiot. But I went again and ended up chatting with a table of old dears. I know they are not ideal friends but it did boost my conversation confidence. may be next time, I’ll have the guts to join the younger crowd. So many people are in the same boat, many I bet living on your doorstep xxx

    • admin

      @Mrs Scruff: I would be happy with old dears as friends! I think I am going to have to get on my backside and make an effort

  • muummmeeeee!

    Your Comments

    I wish I lived nearer because I’d be straight over to yours to give you a big hug….

    Thankfully I don’t know what it’s like to lose my mum but I do know what it feels like to be shy and it’s not nice.

    I overcame my overwhelming shyness by deciding one day to pretend to be confident and I guess the pretence finally gave way to becoming my reality although at times it does creep back up on me.

    Having just lost your mum, you’re going to feel lonely, even if you were surrounded by friends, and my heart goes out to you.

    As I say, wish I lived closer because I’d take your hand and we’d go tackle your cliquey villagers together but if you’re half as warm and lovely as you come across on this blog, you’ll make lots of friends, they just need to know you’re there xx

    • admin

      @muummmeeeee!: I am shy too and also feel pretty vunerable at the moment. I never though it would be so hard to move in to a village like this, but it is

  • Lucy

    I am so sorry to hear about you mum- I wish I could say something that would help- all you can do is take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
    I lost my mum at the same time I fell pregnant, so she never knew that I was finally going to have a baby. It was earth shattering to cope with both things at the same time, and I didn’t have a big network of friends close by, having moved away from my social network, and made only one ‘new mum’ friend at ante natal classes, who then moved away. I am a single mum, living with my dad, and at university, so didn’t have a chance to make lots of mum friends, and now Sam is going to school in September!
    I’ve been very lonely and missed Mum but, almost 5 years on from her death, it has got easier and gradually I’ve accepted it. Twitter has been an unexpected source of support and writing about it has helped. I also had some bereavement counselling two years after Mum died and that was great too. I think you have done a really good thing by writing about it here.
    Lots of love and hugs xxx

  • Liz

    Oh Jen I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how you feel. I think my Mum is pretty much my only real friend left and I can’t imagine what I’d do without her, there would be a massive void in my life.

    I wish I lived closer, I think we’d be massively good friends you are the most warm hearted woman I know. Much love xx

    • admin

      @Liz: I wish we lived closer togther too, you are a star. I never thought of my mum as a friend until recently. The hole is huge and I miss her so much

  • Paula

    First visit to your blog having started to follow you on twitter.

    I too am from the NE and moved to Berks to raise my 2 boys with my hubby. You’re post has really touched me. It’s all or nothing with my mum- I wish she lived close by so that I could see her little and often. You’ve made me realise that life is too short and I need to make more of an effort to visit.

    I find it hard to believe that you struggle to make friends- you have so much going for you. Maybe you should direct these ‘villagers’ to read your blog – they will soon be inviting you to join them for a cuppa and a chin wag. Fancy moving back down South??

    Smile and the world will smile with you xx

    • admin

      @Paula: Hi Paula. It was all or nothing with my mum too when we lived apart. Our relationship got so much better when we lived closer and over this last year it has been the best it has ever been. I have to say I would move back to Berks in a heartbeat but not so MadDad!

  • @Preselimags

    I wrote a blog so similar to this but haven’t dared post it. I’m shy, I come across as standoffish, I can’t penetrate the school gate cliques. It’s really hard isn’t it? I so often feel lonely too. I’ve since made a couple of new friends. I find the internet so important for me during the day – even if only to find out I’m not the only one feeling lonely. It will pick up for you soon, I’m sure.

    • admin

      @@Preselimags: I think from all the comments that it looks like the school gate is not the place to make friends! I agree regards the internet and twitter, it is a lifeline for me. I think that I need to get off my bum and do something, perhaps a class or the like

  • Deer Baby

    Oh Jen, it must be so hard missing your Mum.

    Do you remember at Cybermummy? Everyone wanted to meet you, everyone knew who you were, there was tremendous warmth in the room for you and the biggest cheer when you won that holiday? That’s how people feel about you.

    We’re all a little bit shy in our own way – even people who seem outwardly gregarious.

    It’s hard to make friends but if you keep on remembering that no-one is talking about you – they’ve got their own hang ups – and lots of people would want to be your friend I’m sure.

    Love to you.

    • admin

      @Deer Baby: Oh Alison you are a wonderful person. It was lovely to meet everyone at CyberMummy and I have made some great long distance friendships through blogging, but it is hard. I will have to put myself out there when I am less vulnerable.

  • Hot Cross Mum

    Please accept this very big virtual hug from me – and everyone replying to this. I think we all feel lonely sometimes and it is hard to admit. Losing your mum and best friend is unimaginably sad and all I can say is that you *will* get through this. One step at a time. x

    • admin

      @Hot Cross Mum: You are right it is all about little steps and thanks for the hug Hazel I appreicate it

  • Milla

    Your Comments hi Jen
    Not easy. Forget about the people at the gate. In my experience, other mothers can be pretty vile and even supposedly good friendships can be quite shallow. There’s the unspoken competitive thing and it’s often easier to be friends with people who don’t have kids in your kids’ classes – an extra layer of tension you don’t need.
    What about a dog. Our dog is sweet, although I’m very rude about her she has definitely introduced me to a good group of friends – we’ve even started a cookery group thing of the back of it. All very different (similar ages I suppose) but kids at all diff schools and diff ages so it can just be US being friends rather than the kids being some fragile link. Helps give a routine and I bet the boys would love one. Just a thought. Meanwhile, take it day by day, get into gardening – always something to look forward to in the garden, a great place for “positivity” and to lose a few hours in a constructive way. XX

    • admin

      @Milla: I have been thinking about a dog, but I need to be in a better place just yet. I think that the hole school gate mafia isn’t the place for me at all. Thanks for the idea about gardening.

  • Rachel

    Sorry you’re having a rubbish time Jen- your mum sounds so lovely, and that leaves a big gap. As far as the other mums go, as Mila says, they can be vile (there are some similar at my school)… sending you good wishes 🙂

    • admin

      @Rachel: Hmm you are so right about the school gate Mafia. I dont need it at all. Thanks for the vibes. How are you?

  • Denise

    Hi Jen – well you have one new friend here who will be round like a shot for a cuppa! Thanks to the world of blogging we have discovered we are neighbours – so although we have only met once consider yourself one of my friends – and I hope to be one of yours.

    Lots of love, Denise xxx

  • Tanya (Bump2Basics)

    I’m sure it is going to take some time to readjust to life without your mum but I’m also sure that with time, you will find your feet again even though you will always miss her. Like Mrs Scruff said, going to some type of event that interests you or the boys, in your town or nearby, could be a welcome distraction and lead to the spark of a new frienship. The initial ‘getting to know’ others bit is the worst part and where so many people fall down whether it’s because of their own hang ups or because they just don’t give others a chance. But you are an interesting, caring woman with a lot to bring as a friend and when you feel ready to put yourself out there, I think potential real friends will respond to that. We all feel akward to start so remember you are not alone in that and keep your chin up.

    • admin

      @Tanya (Bump2Basics): I am going to be a little kinder to myself and take small steps. I think that finding a course or something to do would be a great idea.

  • Tasha Goddard

    I think it’s OK for your husband to be your best friend. Chris is my best friend, closely followed by my sister. It is nice to have some female companionship, though, now and then. The school gates can be a nightmare – I’m gradually getting better at it, but Chris just sits in a corner and surfs the web on my phone, because no-one talks to him. One thing I’ve done is search out other mums on the periphery – ones who didn’t have children at the playgroup, ones from other social classes, ones with some social akwardness or mental health issues. That way, as well as helping them to feel more integrated, I do too. But doing so has made me find it easier to talk to the other parents, too, and I rarely stand alone there now.

    Are there any mummy bloggers near you? If so, why don’t you go for coffee or something with them, instead of school mums?

    Big hugs to you. I used to go out to the pub with my dad – he was my drinking buddy – and he was always a shoulder to cry on and a helping hand when I was ill or overworked. I still miss the closeness we had, but am very grateful to have had it in the first now, so I can look back on it with pleasure. I hope you can get to that point with your mum.

    Big hugs

  • Carole

    Hi Jen,

    As you know I lost my own lovely Mum over five years ago now and even though I have lived in this place since I was a child, have two very close friends, 2 sisters who I am very close to and know all my neighbours really well nothing could prepare me for the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that I felt at losing my Mum.

    I remember feeling so empty inside and so very, very lonely. I think these feelings you are having are so natural. Give yourself time, be kind to yourself and make small changes when you feel ready and you will be surprised how differently you will feel in time.

    Love ‘n’ Hugs Carole x

  • apieceoflisa

    It is a huge loss so of course you are feeling it terribly. Fortunately with children you can’t help but go out and interact with people that’s what kids with their hectic social lives make us do. I hope you get to make some good friendships with other parents and that your lovely family will help you through the rough times. If you need to talk to someone there are agencies out there and there is no shame in asking for help. I went to talk to someone when my MIL died although my husband didn’t. We are all different. Take care of yourself and make time for plenty of hugs.

  • Apryl

    Your Comment
    I am so sorry. I know how you feel… though I haven’t lost my mother my parents are very far away so my days are very empty not that my son is at school. I do have a few friends nearby ish… but most of them work and I’m not a social butterfly… when I was working I thought I had more friends.. till I was very in in my pregnacy with the Boy… nobody ever came to see me and it broke my heart… then another friend who was actually at Boy’s birth because my mother wasn’t coming.. well she drifted off and I will never forgive her for ditching my husband and I when she went off.. apparently we weren’t good enough…

    Without the internet I don’t know where I would be… I wouldn’t have a husband for starters but that’s another tale for another day. I suffer depression and the days alone don’t really help… but I do try to craft and help my husband with whatever jobs need doing at the studio.

    the magic of the internet had brought me some really great friends… it is magic because when you have only words you have to choose to be honest or not… and the honesty of being yourself can make such a big diffrence. I have made some really great friends from mumsnet, twitter and the blogsphere. I haven’t met them all in person but sometimes you dont have to to talk and understand each other.

    perhaps you can have a tweet up ? you may not make the best of friends but it is something to do.. to meet up with one or two localish tweeters to you… you may not make the best of friends but it is something to do that is something diffrent… and meeting over tea or coffee means you have hide behind your coffee cup.

    *hugs* take care of yourself… I cried reading your post because I know the loneliness… it can hurt so very much… I still only talk to a few mums at school… and my best friend moved to another town.. and I still feel an outsider here though I have lived in England for 11 years… nearly 12 … my accent may have blurred but my heart is still American.

  • notSupermum

    Jen, I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum. I could barely read this for the tears as I feel exactly the same about my Mum, and even though she’s been gone nearly 4 years I still want to ask her things and catch myself picking up the phone to talk to her sometimes. You’ll always miss your Mum, but hopefully in time you will find someone who can be a good friend in the way your Mum was. Thinking of you xx

  • Cheeky Wipes Helen

    Hi Jen,
    Another one in tears here. I’m not a fan of the school gate club either (in fact I always time my arrival to be on the late side, so I can just smash and grab my littl’un!)

    I know this might sound a bit dull, but is there a WI nearby to you? We’ve just started a new (younger) WI here and quite a lot of ladies who are new to the area are using it as an opportunity to meet people…

  • Reluctant Memsahib

    I live in an african outpost so far flung it drops off maps. i talk to my husband. sometimes needily and hungrily. I talk to my dog more than is healthy. and i talk to my darling babies across an ocean thru the soup of the ether. and i talk to my mum on skype and i know that I am lucky. but you have Macdad and you have your family and as important as friends might be, nothing anchors us as our family does. don’t fear you cannot make friends: your writing is warm and engaging so you are too.

  • ang almond

    Jen – big hugs – it is SO hard, and things WILL seem especially bleak right now. I am praying that the right person will drift into your orbit and you will realise you DO have a good, true friend on your doorstep [as well of lots of us virtual friends in blogosphere]. And btw it is not a bad thing that MadDad is your best friend – it is a real strength for you and the boys.
    Blessings x

  • Alice

    I too cried when reading your post, it’s a subject that is close to most people’s hearts.

    I think more women have this problem than we think. I have always struggled to make female friends, even as a child, the other girls always seemed to know what to say to each other and just click where as I seemed to come off as stand offish – like you I’m just shy!

    My mother and my partner have become my best friends and I sometimes think there must be something wrong with me because I don’t have a group of girlies that meet regularly or even just one I feel close enough to to share my deepest fears and worries with.

    I’m sorry to hear about the loss of you mum and I hope you can find a way of finding someone who is a genuine friend that you can open up to and build a relationship full of support and trust.

  • @jencull

    Big hugs Jen, I feel the exact same way about my Mum so I can understand how devastating it must be to not have her around when she has been such a huge, loving and supportive part of your life. More hugs. Jen xx

  • Lorraine

    Oh Jen, I really feel for you. Loneliness is really hard at the best of times without having lost someone very special to you. Thinking of you. ((hugs)) Lorraine

  • Rachael

    Lovely Jen. You know that if I was close enough I’d be driving you mad and on your doorstep all the time. What Alison says is so right – your warmth, your genuine kindness, your empathy – all those qualities are why so many people at Cybermummy were drawn towards you, and why everyone wanted to meet you. Loneliness is the most horrible feeling – it really does hurt inside, and when you’re grieving, that pain is even harder to bear. If I wasn’t incapable of speaking because of this blooming tonsillitis I’d be on the phone to you right now.

    Sending you a big cuddle and all my love. xxxxxx

  • T-J Hughes

    Well, you know it’s taken me all day to work out how to respond to this! And having just read all the comments, I’m not sure I can add anything to them.
    All I know is that I don’t make friends easily, but I’ve found that my business networking has really helped me with a support network over the last couple of years. I get support from this group of women, and my online networks that I just wouldn’t have found anywhere else.
    My Dad was part of my network, but I’ve ‘lost’ him this last year as well (another story), and I’ve suffered grief for both my parents, whilst keeping the business and family going.
    Life is never easy. But, we are given a strength to do what we need to do. That inner strength comes from somewhere -whatever religious/non-beliefs you have. (Reiki has helped me this last year)
    I agree that a change is good. I started running (for me, not to do a charity run), a couple of months after Mum died. I now get 20 minutes to myself in the fresh air, 2-3 times a week. This really helps me.
    Helen & The Moiderer are right about other activities – it doesn’t need to be Mum of small children based – it’s about doing something different.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family.
    You can’t replace the hole. But you have to know that she’s always with you and wants the best for you.
    x

  • Jane

    Oh lovely, I cant imagine what you have gone through, my mum is one of my bestest friends and I dread the day we have to part.

    I only know you through your blog and but any time you are back in Berkshire you have a friend to call on, and dont worry I have two of everything so dont need to borrow but I do request you bring cake (I am dieting so cant buy it!)

    Much love

    Jane

    xxx

  • Chris

    Lovely, lovely lady. Just the biggest hugs to you. Nothing I can say will make it hurt less. I admire you and your approach to family so much and it is they who will help you through it. I am so sorry you haven’t found a special woman friend near you to love and support you but look up there at all the caring people who respect and care for you…I count myself among them and I am here anytime you need a chat. C xxx

  • Mari

    I am so sorry to hear you feel in such a rut right now and I can only say hold on, get through it and things will get better. You have MadDad like you say and thank Heavens for that and you have your boys.
    Thanks to all my moving around I don’t have any close friends and I miss that too. My mum is up in Nottingham so I see her once a blue moon and it’s not enough. They’ve just found more ‘cells’ they need to check – 3rd time now, we’ve escaped twice already, how lucky can you be?
    I wish I had more time to tweet, email and comment and get to know you more as I’d love to sit and caht with you…maybe one day eh? 🙂
    Chin up my love x

  • Gemma

    Jen, wish I could just pop round and take you for a coffee.

    These feelings will subside in time but it is all part of the grieving process. It’s good you have a release to get your feelings out and all of us are here whenever you need to just express. Some days will be better than others.

    Taking a short course may be just what you need but only when you are ready. No need to feel apprehensive about other peoples perception of you, they will know within 5 minutes what a wonderful, caring and thoughtful person you are and if they don’t, they’re not worth knowing at all!

    Sending you huge hugs and I’m still waiting on your address, I want to send you something to hopefully make you smile.

    It’s great you have such a loving family and your best friend is MadDad, Ian is mine too, no amount of close girlfriends can compare to your soulmate.

    Thank you for all the support you give us, going through such a hard time and you still reach out to us. Again testament to what an awesome person you are.

    Take care lovely xxx

  • Diney

    Your Comments You must be a very loving and warm person to engender such a response to your posts. I know you miss your Mum so much, and nothing anyone says or does can change that. You know that I know how you feel, and honestly time will help. A little at first, then more. In time. For the present, I know you feel lonely, you would even if you had lots of friends round about. It’s part of the grieving process and you will come through. Just give those lovely boys an extra hug and feel their love.

  • maggy, red ted art

    I think judging by the responses above, you can see that you are VERY good at making friends and that you have lots of friends out there that care about you.

    Though no one will ever take that special place your mother had. How wonderful that you were able to be best friends. I hope I have that with my children one day, even if it makes a loss more painful to bear.

    I hope you feel better soon.

    Hugs

    Maggy

  • Rock N Roll Mummy

    If only some of your virtual friends lived near you in real life, it took me about an hour to get to the bottom of these comments! he he

    You have so much love and support in cyberspace but its not the same is it, if I lived near you I would be popping round with the biggest cream filled cakes and armed with some ammo to make you laugh out loud.

    Don’t worry too much and don’t put pressure on yourself to make friends as they will come when you least expect them to.

    Big hug x

  • Louise henry

    Oh Jen, I feel for you I really do and selfishly wish you were still next door. I do have some insight into how it feels. I too feel lonely most of the time, with no local friends, family 160 miles away and a husband who, despite being my soul mate and wonderful in every way works incredibly long hours leaving me home alone with the boys.

    I can only imagine how this sort of situation must heighten your sense of loss having lost both a mother and a friend and my heart goes out to you. The irony is that if local people knew what a wonderful friend you are they would be beating down your door 🙂 love and hugs, lou xx

  • midlifesinglemum

    Jen you will make friends but I know it’s hard to get out there when you are still feeling low about your mum. It seems you already have Denise and, through her you may meet more like-minded women. I just want to say, before you write off the school gates completely, I have made a few lovely friends at my daughter’s nursery. One in particular who walks the same route as us and we often stop in the park on the way home or, if it is cold, go into her place for a cuppa. Just be open to everyone wherever you come across them.

  • Wendy

    I think most of my friends I made initially through my children when they were small. And some of them demanded too much from me. Over the years I have lost touch especially when we moved here 17 years ago. My husband is really my best friend too. Since I have a transient job (supply teacher) I haven’t formed friendships through work. I am shy too and it comeover as being standoffish.
    I think most of my fiends now are internet friends
    it must have been lovely having such a good relationship with your mum. I have never had that with mine.

    I follow your tweets and often wonder how you are xxx

  • Mama Makes

    I cried when I read your post…I miss My lovely Mum too. It has been nearly five years now but I miss her every minute of every day.
    I just feel so lucky to have been blessed with a Wonderful Mother so many people dont have that.
    Sending you Hug x

  • Swanbythelakeside

    Your Comments
    I used to hate the nursery gate…you felt that everyone was friends with everyone else already – especially when I felt low. I remember a whole week wondering whether anyone was going to ask me how I was, to which I was going to reply I was feeling dreadful, but they never asked! The school gate has been much much better. I still feel a bit standoffish – I suppose what’s really helped has been doing voluntary work in the school and getting to know people through their kids, and also a bit of cup washing for the PTA at events, that’s a great icebreaker.
    My mum was nowhere near, and never part of my domestic life in London – but I think London being the place it is, that was quite common for a lot of my friends. Still it has been very very hard not to have someone close to hand, even just to pop by and have a chat about everyday things.
    I don’t think I ever choose my friends, I think they choose me. Yet I feel as if I have had to be ridiculously pro-active, which feels not me at all. When you are shy it is so difficult to invite someone over. Just keep chatting, and listening; sometimes friends just come through other friends and acquaintances that’s the odd thing. Your sister-in-law sounds like a lovely person too.

  • Swanbythelakeside

    Your Comments
    I forgot to say…I think it is mistake to think every friend can be everything to you, in the way a husband can. All friends have different things to offer, some just a small part to play, a smile, a joke, part of a shared group of friends, others bail you out, some are great for a night out, some are lovely to visit with your children, some just are very interesting to talk to and exchange ideas. Others you never see at all, but change your views about lots of things. They all make a difference.

  • Karen Jones

    oh Jen, I am just catching up on blog posts and this post breaks my heart. I feel so sad for you, I can’t possibly imagine how hard it must be for you. I so wish I could pop over and give you a big fat sloppy kiss and hug.
    I do though understand about the friends thing. I have never had lots of friends, in fact I have very few. In my life I have found most people to be very selfish, maybe I have high expectations of what friendship should be, so I choose to go it alone. I have though made some amazing “cyber friends” through twitter and blogging and had the privilidge to meet a few. One of them being you. I was so nervous when I went to the toysRus event at the prospect of meeting all those proper bloggers but you made me feel so relaxed. You are a wonderful lady, with a gorgeous family and I think it is right that your best friend is your wondrful husband. As is mine.
    I don’t know what I can say to comfort you sweetheart but I am ALWAYS here for you, you know that.
    XXXX

  • Metropolitan Mum

    Oh Jen, I am so sorry that you feel lonely – you are not!! You are a great woman, a great mother and you do know how to make friends – just have a look around your own blog. I wish I’d be closer to you right now so I could pop in for a cuppa and a chat.
    Big hugs, xx Deborah

  • Katie

    This is a message for Karen Jones. I am writer at Woman’s Own magazine. Would you be able to give me a call please on 02031486558 to discuss Twitter and making friends a little further. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks! Katie

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