Irrational Fears

I watch him as he sleeps,

The gentle rise and fall of his chest,

The familiar sound as he breaths,

The ever present warmth of his skin against mine.

I close my eyes and try hard to sleep,

Focus on the out breath,

Try to feel peace at my core,

But in its place only panic.

What if something goes wrong,

What will I do,

How will I cope,

Alone.

I wrote this on Thursday morning at about 3,30 am, whilst these irrational fears ate me apart with worry as MadDad had a small operation yesterday. Thankfully he is home and recovering, although the operation was twice as large as both we and the surgeon anticipated. As he is a young and fit chap (according to the doctors) he was allowed home to recuperate, but he is in a lot of pain, in fact he feels pretty much as you do after a c section without all the hormones and euphoria of a brand new baby!

11 thoughts on “Irrational Fears”

CherishedByMe February 4, 2011 at 9:22 am

Firstly I’m glad Mad dad is home and I hope the recovery is quick. X
As soon as I saw you tweet this post I knew what it would say. I am writing a post about my similar fears. Thinking of you, you’ve been through so much over the last few months. XX

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Crystal Jigsaw February 4, 2011 at 11:17 am

Sending my best wishes and hoping MadDad gets well soon. It will get better. CJ xx

Carly February 4, 2011 at 11:41 am

I can completely relate to this. Beautifully written. So glad he is home and I pray for a great recovery x

cathy@nurturestore February 4, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Glad he’s home safely.
(I knew what this would be as soon as you tweeted it too.)

Denise February 4, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Hi Jen – your new friend and neighbour here! Need anything getting? Just text me hun! Hopefully see you sometime soon for a coffee.

Denise xxx

midlifesinglemum February 4, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Try not to worry and I wish MadDad a speedy recovery. Lovey poem.

Domestic goddesque February 4, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Golly, that’s not an irrational fear at all. Glad he’s home and you are all safe xx

Heather Davis February 4, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Jen so glad he is home, safe and recovering well! keep watching him and loving him. Beautiful pic too.

Don't step on the cracks February 5, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Not irrational especially under the circumstances. I think your poem reflects how many people, well me anyway, feel occasionally in the wee small hours. Glad mad dad is home and well.

Angela February 7, 2011 at 2:16 pm

GetWellSoon MadDad – and no, Jen, those fears are NOT irrational – we all have them when the ones we love are in that situation.
blessings xx

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