Life 16

Sometimes life is hard, sometimes I struggle to just see clearly through the fog that is the shroud of my day to day activities.  Sometimes when you add in to it pain, recovery and recouperation it is hard to see much past the end of my arm, let alone to the coming weeks and months.

I underwent pretty major surgery on Friday 1 July and anticipated that I would be fine and well and back out of the hospital over the weekend.  Oh how wrong was I.  I finally was realised the following Friday at 9.30pm after much discussions and some tears on my part as I was missing my family.  My surgery was much more complex than originally anticipated and has meant that I am unable to eat solid food for approximately another four weeks and am very much in pain, however, those of you with young children will understand when I say that they have no understanding of concept gentle.

Whilst I was in hospital I was bitter, upset and in more pain than I can remember for a long, long time and more than that I was scared of how we would manage as a family once I was back at home.  I am so lucky that MadDad is a real family man and he took all of last week off and has been working part time this week, but this is when we got into money trouble last time I was in hospital.  We are also struggling to keep on top of everything, without the assistance of my lovely mum.  Previously she would have looked after the boys and even done some ironing and cooking for me.  This time we are having to manage with just the two of us, which means me looking beyond the dust and MadDad having to learn to iron!  He is doing a fantastic job feeding us all and even cooking meals to accommodate my need for slop!

But come next week, I am going to have to be back on top of my game taking and collecting the boys to and from school and dealing with their after school activities as he has to be at a clients in Newcastle.  And you know what I am scared, I am bitter and I am full of questions.  Why do we not have any particularly close local friends who can help?  Why do the outlaws not offer to help?, Why me.  Then I read that back and realise that it has all turned in to a pity party and feel foolish for writing it, but it is somehow as though the words lose their power when they are pout on the paper or the screen.  That their potency drops just by sharing them with the world and that I understand that we can accomplish anything as long as we all have each other.

So I am going to grab life, try to live it to the full.  To make the most of everyday and try and look positively toward the future and the next round of surgery on my road to recovery.  I want to say a great big thank you for those of you who are travelling with me on this journey of hope and discovery with me and make sure you  hold on tight as I don’t expect things to get much less bumpy!