“Date Nights”, do you have them? Are they a new fangled thing? I don’t remember my mum and dad setting aside a regular night to spend time with each other. I do remember them going out, I remember sitting on the edge of my Mum’s bed as she put her face on, tonged her hair (and always did my fringe) and sprayed her perfume, Armani by Armani.
Fast forward thirty odd years and I have two children of my own and have been married twenty years and I don’t have date nights with my husband (or anyone else for that matter)! .
Does this mean my marriage is on it’s way out? I hope not. Before children (a time known as BC) we went out a lot.
We were married ten years before Max came along and I can count on two hands the number of nights out we have had since he was born. It isn’t that I don’t like the sound of two or three hours alone time with the husbeast perhaps watching a movie at the cinema or having a meal that I haven’t cooked, but I don’t think it is the date nights that will keep my marriage alive, it is the time between them that is key.
Why I don’t have date nights with my husband
We believe in getting the kids to bed and then spending time with each other most nights. We pop on a DVD or listen to music and chat about our day and mundane things.
We believe in not keeping secrets. We tell each other pretty much everything and always have.
Our marriage is strong because we have earned each others trust. Something that is not worth sacrificing for anything.
We work hard at not fighting in front of the boys, but we do have arguments, we call them disagreements and know that this is normal. We are not scared to go to sleep on a disagreements. Sometimes we need to have a decent night’s sleep to have put things into perspective!
We have comfortable silences. We don’t feel the need to fill any empty gap with small talk. We enjoy sitting next to each other without making small talk.
So I don’t believe that date nights will save my marriage (not that it needs saving). I know that it is concentrating on our marriage whilst we are in the house that is why it is so strong, that it has survived the ups and downs. We will still enjoy a night out here and there and I love a good cocktail, but I do not need to put my marriage in my diary or my husband for that matter to remind me to spend time with him. I spend time with him everyday. I make my marriage my priority.