Post-divorce families – getting it right



Pre-divorce is full of the very problems and reasons that the divorce became necessary. This might involve arguing, shouting and other forms of conflict; thus divorce can be traumatic, emotive, complicated and expensive.

Divorce can have devastating effects on children if it is not handled sensitively and maturely – we all know these facts. So surely the post-divorce situation is the point in which things can look forward to a workable and sustainable future.

Re-organisation

The first stage of the post-divorce family is the re-organisation period and involves settling down to the changes. Adults can find this very difficult and children more so, meaning that support is very important during this stage. It is also common at this stage for children to desperately wish for their parents to reconcile and they may mention it to both parents. It is important that they are told the truth in the matter and it is equally important that they are not ridiculed – it is a healthy and normal fantasy simply born from love and respect for both parents.

Communicating with your child

There is no golden rule as to when a child feels ready to talk about things. It will depend on their age, maturity and knowledge of the situation. It is important to keep communication channels open at all times even when they are not ready to talk. Never force a discussion; children will speak when they are ready.

It is common that after a while a child might develop favouritism for one parent over another– you should not read too much into this but should instead reiterate that both parents love them unconditionally.

Sometimes during this period of re-organisation you might notice a deterioration in your child’s behavior such as acting out or misbehaving. It is a common mistake to make allowances for the stress of of the divorce and simply write it off as inevitable. It is vital to maintain the same levels of discipline as before.

Support

The specialist divorce lawyers you used for the divorce such as Brookman family law solicitors will know of support networks, but take advantage of all possible avenues such as the wider extended family who may be able to provide the most valuable support network. Remember that your ex-partner’s mother is your child’s grandparent and that every child needs their grandparents. After a divorce you must never deny your child access to their extended family.

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