So we carried on with the holiday and I tried to manage the pain with over the counter painkillers and some delicious pink fizz.
The journey home on Saturday was interesting to say the least and Sunday morning saw me at A&E having finally admitted that I was struggling to cope with the pain.
So a CAT scan and a couple of x-rays later I have decided that it is time to start acting more my age than shoe size. I can tell you that broken ribs HURT like nothing else and mean sleep is pretty none existent in The Mad House currently. I also have a shadow on my lung, so am off for another x ray tomorrow to rule out scary stuff.
But even though lack of sleep and pain is meaning I am a grumpy bean at the moment. France was amazing and we had a super time.
In the past I have struggled with depression and I still have numerous health issues, but I do not want these to define me. I worked hard to overcome my depression and it is not something that I often dwell on. Most of the time I am a pretty positive person.
Recently I made an error and I fear that I have lost one of the people that I used to call a good friend. This fills me with deep sadness and I do not know how to make things better, in fact I do not think there is anything I can do to make it better. Hopefully time will heal things , either that or I will just have to let go and mourn the loss of a good friend from my own stupidity.
I am at my happiest when I am with my family. When I am surrounded with MadDad and the boys on a weekend. I love having them around and I love doing things together with them. I am putting myself out a little bit more and have been enjoying my weekly sewing class, even if I am the youngest by two generations!
I am currently trying to pluck up the courage to go to the local WI group tonight, but worry that I will be the only one under 50! I have left four messages for them, but they have not got back to me, so wondering if I should just go.
Sometimes I just wonder if it is me that feels this way or if I am just feeling a little down in the dumps?
So tonight, I took myself off for my bath with my Eye & Brow perfector and the Vanilla Coke that I bought in Boots earlier today on my first Social Shopper insights study for Cbias. Yes I did say Vanilla Coke, I did a happy dance when I saw it as It was and still is my favorite soft drink.
There is something really decadent in doing something for yourself that you wouldn’t normally do. I would usually have a bath after the boys were safely tucked up in bed, but having one when it was still daylight was lovely as was laying there with the perfector on my eyes. I have not had a reaction and they feel soft, but only regular use will tell if it works for me instead of mascara.
I think I really deserved a bath on my own after taking the two boys to Boots during the holidays, why not take a look at my Google+ Album to see how we got on.
I am a member of the Collective Bias™ Social Fabric® Community. This content has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for Collective Bias® #CBias #SocialFabric.
There have been times when I have screamed at the top of my lungs to an empty beach “why me? What have we done to you? Why do I have to pout up with all this shit?”. There have been times when I have had to lock myself in the loo to hide the tears from my boys, haven’t they seen enough suffering in their short lives?
Then I read a blog like Ashley’s and it reminds me that life is all about choices, bot just the ones we actively chose to make, but the ones we chose to ignore too. It is my choice to make the most out of each and every day, to believe the universe will provide and that we live everyday, not survive it, but enjoy it. That I am going to chose joy. That I am going to embrace my family and journey with them ever forward and yes I might be scared, but I will always travel my path with dignity, my husband and boys by my side and a heart filled with optimism and love.
I am going to try and live in the hear and now and watch my children with their joyous abandon and let its infectiousness rub off on me. I am going to make time for my husband and our marriage and I am going to enjoy reclaiming some me time and finding some inner peace amongst the white noise of everyday life. I am going to do once thing everyday and do it well.
I am choosing joy.
The hollow sound you get when you tap a perfectly baked loaf of bread. Eating that bread in thick slices with butter and homemade jam. Plotting what vegetables to plant in the garden. The sweet anticipation of the garden harvest. The sea on a wild day. Walking barefoot on damp grass. Hanging out laundry to dry.
For me there have been times when just getting out of bed have been a struggle. When I have felt like I wanted the world to swallow me up whole and spit me out. I have cried at the injustice of life and asked “why me”? Why am I the one who suffered the loss of my babies? Why I am the one who’s father died in an industrial accident? Why do have have a higher risk of cancer than others? Why did my mastectomy go wrong and lately why am I all along and why has my mother died? But the thing is life goes on. It carries on regardless […]