Writing Workshop on a Wednesday 8

What did I want to be when I grew up.

I have to say that this changed day by day when I was younger, initially I wanted to be a VET, then a solicitor and then an accountant.  I was a very quiet child and overly dramatic, which according to my brother I still am!!!

I really enjoyed my primary and infant school, but when it came to seniors I hated it, really I didn’t like it in the slightest.  So when it came to exam time I wasn’t that hopeful and decided to review my options and decided that a YTS (yes I am that old) was possibly the best way to go and our local chamber of commerce had one offering a qualification in Accountancy, so I enrolled.

I started in the July and got my exam results in the August and they were actually quite good, all O’Levels (yes showing my age again), but I decided to remain in the course and became an accountant, hid out in a back room and worked.  I felt like I was pretending to be a grown up.  I didn’t enjoy my work, but I met my wonderful Husband through it and 3 years later we were married.

We decided to relocate down south and moved to Berkshire together and bought our first house.  My mum and dad came and helped up decorate and settle in.  I still didn’t feel like a grown up nor really did I act like one.  I would ring up my dad when ever anything broke or didn’t work and he would fix the problem or inform MadDad how to fix the issue.   We both worked hard and played a lot, we used to have scalextric parties at weekends and drink ourselves silly.  we used to go on wonderful holidays that I will never forget and every Sunday I would ring up my Dad and remind him that Top Gear was about to start and then chat to him through the entire program.
Then very early one Tuesday morning I received the phone call that turned me in to an adult.  My dad had been involved in an accident and work and was in intensive care.  We dropped everything and drove the 300 miles home.  It was a sobering experiance.  He had been very seriously injured and the doctors had decided that he needed to be in a drug induced coma in order for his body to heal.  My mum never left his bedside until we arrived.  He was put on a ventilator to help him breath and had lots of tubes and lines going in and out.
I grew up in a shot.  The nursing staff, the wonderful nursing staff showed me how to care for my dad, how to do his “cares” as they called them and we arranged a shift system, so at least mum got some sleep.  For three weeks we all cared for my dad, I read his favorite paper to him every morning, I shaved him every other day and I played his favorite music to him whilst holding his hand and taking to him.
Then he developed sepsis and we had to make the hardest decision to switch off the ventilator and let him go.  I was beside myself, I was a daddy’s girl, how could we be doing this he was 54 years old.  Nine years ago on 6 November 2000 I lost my Father and I became an adult.  I became a member of a club I didn’t want to be part of.  October and November have always been hard to deal with since then, dark and dismal.  Halloween and Bonfire night have different meaning for me.
But times change and my bother and wonderful sister in law chose November 7 2005 to get married and it made November a time for celebration instead of sorrow.  He grew up and saw what we needed as a family was a happy event to commemorate.
MaxiMad is named after his grandad and MiniMad looks just like he used to as a child.  It is sad that my wonderful boys will never meet the man I admired most in the world after my darling MadDad, but I am working on helping them be the men he would have adored.
Having the mini’s has given me the chance to be a child again, to see the world through their eyes and to experiance the carefree joy of swings and seesaws and of paddling in the sea.  Yes I am more of an adult than I have ever been, I have two children that I am responsible for, but through this responsibility I have realised that I feel more like a child than I ever have before.  I am on a journey down an untraveled path, but I have my companions with me, my wonderful family to take these steps and travel by my side.
And anyway who said you have to be grown up to take the road I am travelling!!
This post was inspired by 4. What did you want to be when you grew up? Or are you still deciding?!

8 thoughts on “Writing Workshop on a Wednesday

  • Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy

    Very moving post. I hope that you are managing to enjoy Oct and Nov of this year, despite your sad memories of this time. Big hugs. xx

  • bad penny

    I got quite choked reading this. So sad.

    Growing up comes as a lightning bolt sometimes. My oldest friend realised with total shock that she had a baby when she was about to pop out to the post office – alone !

    She sat on her bed and cried & cried – not because she had a child now but because of the sheer emotion of it all.

  • dottycookie

    Such a moving post. You're very brave for writing it. I think I'm going to go and give my dad a big hug right now.

  • Country Cottage Chic

    So sad to read this. I lost my lovely Dad almost 2 years ago & I miss him every day.


  • Josie @Sleep is for the Weak

    Oh this made me cry – what a beautiful post. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

    I was struck at how similar your experiences were to Sandy's – you definitely have a kindred spirit there.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad is one of the most precious people in my life and I can't imagine loosing him.

  • TheMadHouse

    Thank you all so much for your comments. I think that there is something special about a dad and his girl. I was very close to my dad growing up and do miss him terribly at key moments in life, but time does meake things easier to deal with.

    It is these things that shape who we are and how we react to them. I realised that not only did I love my dad, but 100's of others did too as the church was overflowing

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